As a freelancer and someone who dabbles in looking for a full-time job, I spend a little time each day perusing LinkedIn. There’s been a spate of oddly-spaced, semi-inspirational posts that apparently game the algorithms and go LinkedIn viral (whee!). There is a Buzzfeed article that has deemed them “Broetry.”
Anyway, after a morning of reading one too many of these I wrote my own broem. These are my own obstacles. I really did fail at making sauerkraut THREE TIMES. However there is a lot of poetic license here: my dad did have hands and never flint napped, I never made ‘kraut at a dinner party, and Daniel has been nothing but supportive.
And I want to apologize that this has nothing to do with sweet, buttery oven-fresh buns. I just really liked the photo. I have yet to find a photo of sauerkraut that is as compelling.
My post would go like this:
I FAILED.
Not just once, but 3 TIMES.
I was not taught to be a quitter.
My father could flint nap like nobody’s business.
In fact, he was the best in the business AND HE HAD NO HANDS.
I just need someone to buy me 4 cabbages. Organic preferred.
Yes, I already wasted all the ones from the garden, Daniel.
I deserve another chance because NO ONE WOULD TEACH ME.
I found resources, a community, friends.
Or so I thought.
I massaged the cabbage for hours with salt.
Way too much salt.
I added water to compensate.
I failed.
They cast me aside like a mother who refuses to breastfeed.
Did they not know that my baba gave me her fermentation crock with no instructions and died?
But I tried again, this time without their help.
Shred, measure, salt, knead.
Success!
Or so I thought.
Two weeks later the surface is covered with an repulsive and likely deadly mold.
So I tried again.
I massaged cabbage during my own dinner party.
A friend says, “don’t you need to fill that lip on the crock with water so mold won’t grow?”
EUREKA!
But wait, WATER EVAPORATES.
If you don’t keep it filled with water then it does not work.
I’m talking to you, Daniel.
Are we a team, or are you just going to walk right past it from your home office to the refrigerator without checking, like 3 times a day?
Does making sauerkraut mean nothing to you?
Does it bother you that I have wasted 9 cabbages?
Apparently not.
Tears rolled down my face as I dumped the rancid mixture FOR THE THIRD TIME.
I’m going to keep trying and not settle.
I need you to pick up those cabbages, Daniel.
Do you Agree?